Unrealistic Expectations & How They Hurt

It's probably not a secret to most people that Grimm has completely stolen my heart and is probably my favorite, but even still, he can disappoint me at times.

It's hard to say that, it really is, but the fact is that even a dog as marvelous at the Grimmaroni And Cheese can have moments where their behavior is disappointing. Of course I still love and adore Grimm, but it's hard not to have some frustration and resentment in those moments he's acting a fool, especially when we're in public places. Time away from those moments generally helps me realize that it's less about him, and it's usually something I didn't anticipate or respond to. I think I forget sometimes that he learns from me. He didn't come pre-programmed to be the absolute bestest boy, it's my job to help him get there. So, I signed us up for six weeks of basic obedience classes to help us work through his desire to blow off commands and cues while distracted.

It was a Wednesday night, after I worked all day, then stayed late at work with a friend who needed a sympathetic ear, and then drove Grimm the 45 minutes to class. My threshold for nonsense was pretty low, and that was definitely a contributing factor to my intense frustration. I just kept repeating aloud and in my head, "He knows this stuff." Thanks to Grimm's very intense barking, the trainer let us take over the lobby area where we could hear and see her, but Grimm wasn't directly in the line of sight of the other dogs. I felt terrible that as a teacher, it was MY kid messing up the class. Even when he couldn't see the other dogs, he blew off the vast majority of the things I asked him to do. My heart was pretty much broken, and looking back at it now, that sounds so silly to say. It was the whole reason I brought him to class, but I went in thinking it wouldn't be too bad, and found myself disappointed thanks to my own high expectations.

I know Grimm is loud. He's an Aussie, and apparently that means loud to most people. His loudness isn't much of an issue when we're outside or playing around and being wild. His loud is definitely a problem when we're indoors in a group beginners obedience class. Grimm knows basic obedience: sit, down, touch, paw, crate, off, high five, drop it, and leave it. The issue is that Grimm forgets all of these things when we're around any kind of distraction, and that's what I signed up for this class to work through. I just didn't anticipate that he would spend the first 20 minutes barking and whining and lunging to try to play with the other dogs or flirt with the other people. It turns out he has a huge crush on our trainer.

Another thing I know about Grimm is that he's completely impervious to treats when he's overstimulated. My attention or affection can sometimes snap him out of it, but generally the best thing for him is to remove him from whatever situation is hyping him up, and then bring him back, and then remove him, rinse and repeat. I didn't feel like I had that luxury. I was really concerned that the other dogs and their owners wouldn't be able to get anything out of the class because my dog was acting a fool. In hindsight, it comes with the territory of group classes. In a sense, I was giving them another layer of training that they hadn't even anticipated.

From my vantage point in our sequestered space, it looked like everyone else and their dogs were absolutely crushing it in the training session. Then the imposter syndrome set in. I pride myself on being a pretty kickass dog mom, but in the middle of that class with my dog flailing around ignoring my commands and trying to turn the whole session into wild rumpus, I felt like an absolute failure. I'd over socialized him by taking him out places and letting every dog and person greet him. I hadn't taught him boundaries or how to focus on me in those situations. I hadn't brought the right treats to lure him. I made him seem too awesome on Instagram so how could I possibly post about this big, miserable flop? I just got lost in all of the regrets and worries.

I have to give Grimm some serious credit, because he still tried to do right by me, even when he didn't know what "right" was. He would offer some behaviors, just not usually the one I was asking for while I was asking for it. There was a moment when I just sat on the floor with him, rubbed his chest and looked into his eyes. I wanted to cry. I was so frustrated with him, with myself for spending the money for six weeks of classes when I didn't even want to finish the first one, with the other dogs who were clearly not "beginners" but were in the class, just frustrated to my core. I looked at him in that moment on the floor and in his eyes I saw a dog whose wheels were turning, a dog who was desperately trying to fight between his urge to seek out the other dogs and his desire to make me happy, a dog who knew I wasn't happy with him but wasn't sure what do to.

So we sat there. I didn't cry, I didn't yell, I didn't ask him to do anything. I just sat there with him and told him it was okay and rubbed his chest. We tried again a few minutes later and practiced "come". He came to me about 90% of the time I asked him to. He came not for treats, but for affection. It sounds silly writing it now, but it was arguably the proudest I've ever been of him. He chose to come to me, when running to the end of his leash to get closer to everyone else would have been more fun.

I still left class sad and disappointed, but now I have more realistic expectations for the next class. If he only barks for 19 minutes instead of 20, it's a win. If we spend 59 of the 60 minutes in separate room instead of the whole hour, it's a win. If I leave class and don't immediately call my sister to say it went like shit, it's a win.

The reality is simple: I went into training believing that Grimm was going to be top of the class because he knows his basic commands and this is a beginners class. As soon as I cemented that idea in my head, I set us up to fail, without question. I ignored the whole reason we were going to the class, I ignored my knowledge of the dog in front of me and thought about the dog I wanted to have.

Moving forward, we'll keep going to class. We'll get there early and walk around so he can get some of his nervous energy out. We'll play outside with his ball or frisbee before we leave for class so he feels fulfilled before I ask him to do something hard. And this time, we'll stop at Starbucks on the way home because even if it's an absolute shit show, we did it and we did it together.

Want to share your training successes, failures, tips, revelations, or questions? Send me an email at herrunningtails@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram or TikTok @herrunningtails

Thanks for reading this tail, and here's to many more!

Danielle