Is A Third-Life Crisis A Thing?

Asking for a friend... me. I'm the friend.

I just wanted to start this blog post off with some statistics that I found both surprising and oddly comforting:

• According to thinkimpact.com, 8% of teachers in the U.S. are quitting their careers as compared to 3-4% in other countries. This site also reported that new teachers are leaving the field within the first five years, and the number of teachers quitting/retiring has risen by 55% over the last 30 years.

• The site appollotechnical.com says that the average person will work 90,000 hours over the course of their lifetime, which equates to over 10 years. They also found that the average age for a person to change careers is 39 years old. Apollo Technical also noted that since starting their first job after college, 29% of those people have completely changed career fields.

• Zippia.com found that 77% of employees have experienced burnout at least one in their current job. They also found that 72% of employees noted work-life balance as an important factor when job-seeking. Of those seeking jobs, 52% claim that poor work-life balance is a deal breaker. This same site also noted through a bar graph that the percentage of people who dread going to work has risen since 2020, the number of people who feel they can be themselves at work has dropped by 1%, and the percentage of people who believe they can effectively balance their work and personal commitments has dropped from 65% in 2020 to 60% in 2021.

The reality is, if you're feeling burnt out or unsatisfied in your current work situation, you're very clearly not alone. Burnout is a very real thing and it's running rampant through our society. I can't help but wonder why it's something we're seemingly doing nothing about. I see it everywhere I go, and anecdotally, it's been getting progressively worse since 2020. Along with the burnout come spikes in what Pew Research Center calls "psychological distress". In surveys they conducted between March 2020 and September 2022, 41% of adults have experienced high levels of said psychological distress. When we look at those aged 18-29 we see that number rise to 58%. In a CDC survey, 37% of high school students reported regular mental health struggles.

So what are we doing about it? Some of us are talking about it more. Some of us are pushing ourselves and going to therapy. Some of us are taking more time off of work whenever we can. Some are taking to nature in their free time. Some got puppies during the pandemic to help with those negative feelings. Some are throwing in the towel at work and finding things that make them happier. Some have packed up and moved to entirely new places. And none of those things are wrong. But we're just coping, aren't we? And there's nothing wrong with coping. I just know that I want to get past coping and get to a point where I feel like I'm living.

I'm sick of feeling tired and sluggish and beat down at the end of my work day, so I can't even enjoy the home I pay nearly 50% of my salary to have (and believe it or not, I have incredibly cheap rent compared to everyone else I know in my area). I spend most of my time at home on the couch zoning out and watching T.V. shows I've already seen dozens of time. And I finally figured out why: I know how it ends. I know exactly what to expect, so I don't really need to focus or expend any energy trying to keep up. It's comforting to hear Lorelai Gilmore give Luke Danes an ultimatum for the 100th time, or listen to Frank Costanza and Cosmo Kramer yell "serenity now" over and over again.

I find myself looking for ways to lessen the load. I don't do anything extra anymore at work. I come in at 6:55am and leave at 2:30pm. I'll cover classes during planning occasionally, because that gets me an extra $40 each time I do it and I know that my planning period would otherwise be spent alone in my classroom probably too tired to do much of anything anyway. I don't stay after contract time, or answer messages in the middle of the night, or grade anything on weekends. I'm cutting back at my "second job" of doing SAT and ACT testing next year, and only plan to work one Saturday every other month. This is the first summer in three years that I'm not working, and I'm so excited about it.

I'm excited to go to the beach, keep working on dock diving with Grimm, take Reaper to training, sleep in (as much as the dogs will let me), go camping, go for hikes, reorganize my bedroom, figure out where any of my "extra" money goes, get back to journaling and meditating and exercising, and just find some general peace of mind. I'm hopeful that this time away will give me the answers to questions that have been burning in my brain for the last couple of years:

Is it time to get back to therapy and really commit to it this time?

Can I really keep teaching?

If I'm not a teacher, then what will I be?

Can I afford to change locations and see if that makes the difference?

Is this feeling of being burnt out even because of my career?

Or is it because I haven't taken the summers off like I used to?

How much effort/money would it take to switch careers?

Are there careers in the dog-universe that would suit me?

Is getting an RV or converted van for summer travel a real option?

What am I passionate about, and how can I make that work for me?

Are my feelings about my career permanent or temporary?

Are these feelings related to nutrition and maybe have nothing to do with my job?

Let's just call it like it is: my real love is dogs. I could spend all day every day surrounded by dogs. I love reading about them, writing about them, talking about them, looking at them, learning about them, playing with them, training them, snuggling them, even bathing them. Just about all of it really, minus the poop pick up. I love seeing the way they light up when they see you, or the expression of sheer joy when you praise them for FINALLY getting that trick you've been working on. I love the way they come to you for comfort from big scary things, and those times they curl up in bed with you for no apparent reason. I just look at dogs and see pure happiness and love.

So knowing that about myself I have to wonder: is dog training the next step? Should I be plugging away and trying to figure out how to get a doggy daycare/grooming/training empire started? Do I start looking into getting some kind of dog-related certification? Am I at a point where I need to get ready to start my second career?

I don't have the answers. I'm afraid to take the leap, but I'm afraid to stay where I am. I work all week to just make it to the weekend, but by the time I get there I'm so worn down that nothing gets done. In the rare moments something does get done, I want it to revolve around dogs, because they're my happy place. I find myself desperately trying to find a class, an event, a trail, just something we can do together to make me feel happy and fulfilled.

There are worse things to do, and I'm grateful for the lifestyle my dogs have brought me. I'm grateful for the love and happiness that they bring into my life each and every day. Is my current career the hardest job out there? Not by a long shot. Does my career put me in a position to live a decent life? Absolutely.

But those two facts alone aren't enough to make me feel like I can stay in education without some kind of drastic change.

I'm not sure if or where I'm going, but I felt compelled to write it all down. And I felt compelled to share it with you because I don't think I'm alone in feeling like I'm teetering on the edge of a huge change.

I guess the thing I'd want to leave you with is this: it's okay to love yourself more. Loving yourself can be as simple as taking a morning off when you just can't quite get yourself ready to roll out of bed. Or it could be as difficult as telling someone you respect, "No, I'm not able to take on XYZ," or asking someone for help.

Know that these are big, impressive questions that don't really have a right answer. The experience is yours, and yours alone. No one knows you better than you do, so seek out opinions from trusted family and friends, but know that ultimately you're the one in control and trust yourself. You'll know when you're ready.

Thanks for reading this rambling tail, and here's to many more.

Danielle