The Shrinking Dog Mom, Pt. 2

Today's post is about how my life has changed since my weight loss surgery, and how I think it's making me a better dog mom.

**Disclaimer: this is just MY story. Someone else's experience may be very different. I am in no position to give medical advice. This is purely for entertainment purposes. Any questions relating to your health should be directed to your doctor. I'm just a crazy dog mom who overshares on the internet. I've dotted this post with random pictures of me after surgery to show my progress, individual results may vary.**

Life After WLS

In some ways, everything and nothing has changed since surgery. The scale continues to go down, even if lately it's going a bit slower than it used to, and my energy levels are slowly starting to increase. I'm at a point now where I can eat just about anything I want, but in much smaller portions. I won't lie though, that initial adjustment back to food was a bit more difficult than I had imagined.

After surgery I spent a few days on clear liquids, then a week or so on full liquids, then pureed foods, then soft foods, and finally a "normal" diet. All in all, it must not have been too difficult since I don't really remember it. I do remember really being frustrated with not being able to chew anything for a while. Oh, and coffee, man I missed coffee. I was allowed to have decaf, but I hated it. I'm super grateful that my doctor cleared me to have one cup of coffee a day, because if you're a teacher you already know how hard it is to make it through a day without caffeine.

I spent a while re-learning my body and the cues it would give me for hunger or thirst. It wasn't until the last two months or so that I've actually begun to feel true hunger. Part of the surgery is that the portion of the stomach that they remove secretes the hunger hormone, so feeling physically hungry doesn't really happen as much, if at all. Mentally, I'd be hungry. I'd convince myself that because it had been a few hours or because I'd only had two bites of whatever that I HAD to be hungry. I worried because at one point it was a miracle if I ate 600 calories. At this point I'm closer to the 1200 calorie a day mark. I was good about asking lots of questions and doing research and talking with my doctor, but even so I worried about things that I hadn't really expected.

I worry now about loose, sagging skin. I still obsess about my body and what I'm eating, but now it's in new ways. And to be honest, I'm not sure it's really any healthier. I hop on the scale and practically beg it to move down, and lately I find myself disappointed by it. The reality is, I'm not a model patient. I eat bread, and rice. I don't think of "carb" as a naughty four letter word. Am I overeating? In general, no. But there are moments I go too far, and I pay for it. When I eat too much I might get a stomach ache, I might get nauseous, I might feel a deep and immediate urge to go to the bathroom, I might not feel anything, or I might feel everything. I'm still learning my limits. I don't find myself trying to push them, but I have pushed beyond what I should be doing at times. I'm not strict about always eating my protein first. I do okay, but I don't try to be perfect. I have no intentions of going back to who I used to be or how I used to eat, but sometimes a chick just needs to each some cake. It's all a balancing act, and I'm still learning what works best for me.

I had heard that after this surgery people felt so invigorated and full of energy... I'm still waiting for that phase to come. But, it makes sense that as you lose excess weight doing things doesn't seem so daunting or exhausting. On the other hand, in the early days where getting 600 calories in seems impossible, it makes sense that you don't have any energy. I'm somewhere in between right now. I'm definitely tired more often than not, but getting through basic housework doesn't seem as hard as it did 120lbs ago. I have a new-found love of getting outside and hiking or walking with the dogs. I'm exploring the world of dog sports and find myself excited about things that might get me active. The Danielle of a year ago would have dreamt of wanting to do those things, but would have been too tired or self-conscious to make it happen. Old Danielle probably wouldn't have expected that I'd get a second dog 10 days after major surgery, but my dumbass did that too.

I expected that between an Aussie and a Husky, I'd be forced into being active. I guess in some ways, I have been. I have to get up, I have to let them out, I have to make them some kind of enrichment for breakfast, and I have to take them out to play. I have more fun reveling in the things I WANT to do with them. I wanted to take them camping. I wanted to take them for a four mile hike in the Smoky Mountains. I wanted to teach Grimm to run with me. I wanted to get Grimm into dog sports and training. I wanted to take Reaper out and try to work through his reactivity. Those are the things that bring me joy, even when I'm exhausted, and I think those moments of energy and interest are the part of the surgery that make me a better dog mom.

My Reflection

I regret nothing about doing the surgery, period. I could have continued fumbling around with my weight and yo-yoing the same 60-80lbs, but why? I'm healthier now than I have been in probably ten years. I'm gaining more energy and interest in actually living my life. I'm working towards having the life I believe I'm meant to have. I don't feel like an active person trapped inside of an inactive body, a body that was too heavy and too tired to keep going, a body that was so strong in so many ways but ultimately just not the right body for me.

But I won't sit here and pretend it isn't hard. I respect my body for what it was and what it's becoming, but I kind of hate it right now too. The sagging skin that I "wasn't going to get because I'm so young and my skin is going to snap right back" drives me insane, along with the fact that people genuinely believe that losing 120+lbs won't lead to sagging skin. I've lost fullness in my chest, my butt reminds me of a sad flabby pancake, and the way my arm fat hangs like bat wings can make me cry on the wrong day. I try really hard not to have to hop into my skinny jeans or leggings because the flabby arms and sagging stomach and jiggly thighs slap together like a symphony of skin bags. I have to dig deep in my bra for gold and make sure every centimeter of extra skin or fat is pulled tight into it. It's a hard reality that the journey just isn't over. I'll most likely choose to pursue skin surgery at some point, and that recovery will be hard. It doesn't change the fact that I'm glad I did the surgery and took control of my life, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that I'm often still sad about the way I look.

Oh, and we can't forget the part where my hair is thinning and I shed worse than any double-coated dog I've ever met. That's one of the things I knew could happen, but I didn't expect it would happen to me since I've always had such thick hair. I was wrong. It happened. Now I'm using a thickening shampoo and conditioning system and I should be taking more vitamins. I've learned that I suck at taking vitamins. I'm not bald by any means, but I know that I'm currently rocking like half the hair I used to have. Pro tip I just learned from chopping some hair off: shorter hair looks fuller on me.

The reality is: I'm a better version of myself in so many ways, and I know that if this is how I feel at just nine months out, things will continue to get better. I know that it's time to start working harder to get the weight to keep shredding off, because the honeymoon period is ending soon.

My Goals

I don't have any strict timelines for my goals, they're definitely more general and just out there in the wind. Being less than a year out from surgery and still learning about my body and energy and abilities makes it hard for me to envision setting staunch goals with strict deadlines. But some things I'd like to see happen are:

• Get to ONEderland, where my weight starts with a 1 instead of a 2 or 3 for the first time in like 15 years. Ultimate goal weight... TBD? I'm thinking somewhere in the 175 range, but I'm more focused on how I feel. (I actually hit this goal the week after I wrote this post!)

• Get back to running. I've dipped my toes back into my running shoes, but the time is coming for me to be more serious about it. I've missed it, and Grimm seems to really enjoy it too.

• Get a solution to the saggy skin. Whether that's surgery or I get lucky and it goes away with more serious exercise, I'm not picky. I just know that as the weight keeps coming off, the skin problem isn't going to just disappear.

• Get more active, with and without the dogs. Grimm and I are starting actual obedience classes soon, and we'll be going to an intro to dock diving seminar to see if he's interested. I think it'll be great for both of us, but I need to do more on my own too. Whether it's going to the gym or a park or lifting some free weights while I watch TV, I know that it's time to buckle down and commit to being more active.

• Get serious about taking my damn vitamins. I need them because... well, humans need vitamins. With a smaller intake of food (and the fact that I don't always make the best choices) I definitely need to be doing a better job of taking care of myself. Plus, the vitamins should help with the hair loss, which would be great, because I friggin love my long, crazy, curly hair.

That's pretty much it. If you have questions about my journey through out weight loss surgery, you can ask me through email at herrunningtails@gmail.com or DM on Instagram or TikTok @herrunningtails on either platform.

Thanks for reading this tail, and here's to many more!

Danielle